I’M GETTING MARRIED!!!!!
Brian asked me to be his wife on October 9, 2012 at our favorite (and arguably most beautiful) spot on campus. It was absolutely perfect and so special. We both cried, and after the ring was on my finger, we came to the Lord in prayer. We asked Him to bless our union, to help us learn about marriage and our roles, to keep us calm throughout the wedding planning process and the completion of our bachelor’s degrees, etc. The prayer was my favorite part 🙂 There’s something so deeply intimate about being vulnerable before the Lord with your (future) spouse.
Realistically speaking, I never thought I would get married. I always longed for that unconditional love from and for a husband, I yearned to have a family; to raise children with the man I love, have a family dog, the whole big ordeal. But I never felt worthy enough to receive the gift of marriage. A lot of those feelings came from my “eating disorder brain,” but I also just never thought that could happen for me.
My dating relationships before Brian were all quite turbulent in different ways. Each one was overall unhealthy; although, I did have some good experiences and I did learn a lot from them. Before I met Brian, I did not understand love. I never knew what it was like to have a man love me unconditionally; I never knew what respect in a romantic relationship felt like. Cheating, abuse, lying, disrespect…all of these negative aspects of my relationships distorted my thoughts and feelings about love and relationships. I never knew how I was supposed to be treated. So I always settled for less because that’s what I thought I deserved.
A month before I met Brian, I threw in the love towel. I decided to “do me” and not date or seek to get married. Honestly, my heart was very hard towards marriage. I didn’t understand how something so emotionally risky could be a gift from God. My decision to be “single” was not for Godly reasons-I wasn’t making a commitment to the Lord in my singleness; I wasn’t doing it to focus on and develop my relationship with God. I was only doing it to focus on myself. I was the epitome of selfish at this time in my life.
Little did I know that a month later, the Lord would be giving me my future husband. Before Brian met me, he also never thought he’d get married either. He also didn’t value marriage for a number of reasons. We were both spiritually and emotionally lost before we found each other; before God gave us to each other. Soon after we started courting, we both knew that we were “The One” for each other (although we did not communicate this or have this conversation with each other until WAY later!)
God placed us in each other’s lives to show what real love is and why He created marriage. He created man to need woman and vice versa. Brian and I hit the point in our dating relationship when we had to decide where this was going. We spent hours in prayer separately and together trusting the Lord and seeking answers from Him as to what His plan is for us individually. As time and prayer progressed, it was clear to both of us separately that God’s plan for us is marriage. Brian’s proposal was a surprise to me, but we were both on the same page spiritually when it came to our dating relationship. I’m so glad that I spent so much time dedicated to the Lord in prayer with this subject. I was able to give the “Yes!” that He wanted me to give to Brian-I wasn’t just giving the answer I wanted, but I was also giving the answer that God wanted me to give.
It has been amazing to literally watch and feel God change and work in our hearts. He has taught and is teaching us our roles in marriage, how to disagree fairly/respectfully, how to make necessary sacrifices for the betterment of our union, etc. We are both so thrilled and excited to continue this lifelong learning process! We are immensely blessed to have the support and encouragement from our families and friends. We have received some criticism and negative attitudes from certain people, but we know we can’t please everyone (well, we’re learning this at least.)
As long as we’re following God’s plan for us and we’re happy, that’s all that matters. We are NOT letting the envious, negative people ruin this blessing and this gift for us.
We pray for those people daily for their hearts to be softened and for them to exhibit kindness towards us, regardless of their opinions.
Some people think we’re too young for this. We are young, but God would not give this wonderful challenge to us if He didn’t think we could handle it.
He answered, “Have you not read that he who created them from the beginning made them male and female, and said, ‘Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh’? So they are no longer two but one flesh. What therefore God has joined together, let not man separate.” -Matthew 19:4-6.