Behind the veil…

I’ve heard a lot of things about myself and our engagement that I didn’t know before in the past few months.

“She’s only in it for the ring.”

“She just wants to plan a fairytale wedding.”

“She’s searching for attention.”

“She’s just rudely rubbing her happiness in to the people who are single.”

Hmm.

The backlash I received from getting engaged young was more than I had anticipated. Granted, we have had MUCH more support than criticism. For this, I am immensely thankful.

I’ve just been amazed at how inappropriate people can behave at one of the happiest times in someone’s life.

It hurts.

I have felt a load of extreme emotions since October. Everything from pure joy to deep hurt.

 It’s funny how the good news of an engagement and the wedding planning process can bring out either the best or the worst in people.

In the beginning, I was handling these emotions in the wrong way. I took everything too seriously and cared too much about other peoples’ opinions, that it distracted me from the core of the situation at hand.

I get to marry my best friend! My other half. The man who God was preparing for throughout my life. I get to take his last name, to wake up to those incredible blue eyes every morning, to raise children with him, to deeper learn about our Lord with him, to grow old with him. The person who challenges me every day and supports me endlessly. I get him. Forever. God gave him to me. 

Some people have trouble understanding why in the world we’d want to be “tied down” at age 21 and 19. But that’s the thing that they don’t understand. We don’t feel tied down. We simply aren’t. That’s the point of finding the person who you’ll spend your life with. They don’t hold you back. In fact, they do the very opposite. They open up your world and empower you to reach your dreams, instead of keeping you from them.

Sure, your priorities and responsibilities have to change. But isn’t that the way it goes? As we walk throughout the many seasons of life, our priorities and responsibilities are constantly changing, no matter our age.

God’s plan for one individual is different from the plan He has for another individual. He does that on purpose. Brian and I’s plan is different from the “typical college student”‘s path. But He has blessed us with this path, and has equipped us with the proper tools and strengths in order to handle it.

I’m sure people will always question my motives and intentions, and that’s alright. I can’t do much to stop that, other than to prove myself. But I don’t feel like I need to prove myself to anyone.

Something I’ve been wondering throughout all this is:

Why is it so hard to believe that I’m in this for the marriage?

And, after being brutally honest with myself, I can finally answer that.

Before I met the man, it used to be all about the perfect ring, the fairytale wedding, the center of attention, the cute little flawless married life. But once I met Brian, none of that stuff mattered anymore.

In fact, the only aspect of our wedding that is important to me is that at the end of that day, we will be husband and wife. Everything else about the wedding is just pizazz. Half the time, I just want to courthouse it or have the smallest wedding imaginable because I don’t need all of that stuff” in order to have the “perfect, fairytale wedding.” Brian is the reason why our wedding will be perfect, regardless of how everything goes.

Our love for each other and for Christ is why our wedding will be perfect. Not the dress. Not the venue. Not the colors, or the dance, or the centerpieces.

Wedding planning is certainly fun and surreal, but I feel as if it’s a flaw on my part to get too wrapped up into it. It can really distract from the core purpose. And I never want to take my sights off of the purpose.

I know I can’t please everyone and I know there will always be people who don’t like me because of  my past. I know that if I hadn’t gone through those negative things and if I hadn’t strayed, then I wouldn’t have met Brian. I wouldn’t have been given the experiences and the tools necessary to have my own family and move on to the next chapter in life.

So although it doesn’t make sense to some people, I am getting married next year to the man who God sent to me, the man who I love in such an indescribable way, the man who loves me so well. My best friend, and my partner in this life and for eternity.

That’s what’s important.