here i am, at 355 mg/dL, waiting until i can go on a run. i was ready to run about 25 minutes ago, but it’s looking like my body has different plans.
i’ve been struggling with erratic blood glucose readings for the best few days, due to scar tissue build up around my most common pump site areas. the absorption isn’t as good there now because of how often i use those sites (my favorite sites are arm sites.) also, there have been multiple issues with one of my prescriptions lately, and it is impacting my levels significantly.
i am mad.
we have plans at 7. i could’ve been almost back and showered by now. if i run with a BG this high, i risk vomiting, passing out, and a coma. if i miss my run today, i will be crushed. i have goals. but my t1 always tries to take them away from me.
normally i would say “screw you t1, i’m running.” but it’s different when my life is on the line. i want to be motivated and determined, but i don’t want to be stupid.
today is one of the days when i crave normalcy. i miss my freedom that i had prior to diagnosis. being diagnosed at age 20 means that i had 2 decades of “normal”…2 decades that i remember well. i know life another way; i don’t get to have that other way anymore, and the worst part is that it’s not due to an mistake i made. it’s because of my genes. because that’s fair, right?
not every day is good, but there is good in every day.
i’m mad, yes, but once my BG lets me be rational again, i will try not to be so hard on myself.
Update at 22:46
my BG came down enough for me to run. i had my best 5k time of the week. i have been battling lows now all evening, but it’s mainly all good now. thanks for your love, prayers, & just for listening. t1 is relentless, unpredictable, & frustrating. but i am so thankful to be a determined girl who constantly tries to prove t1 wrong. couldn’t fight this disease without my strong support system &, most importantly, my God.